[Idyllchat] A bit of humor
SIDNEY WALKER
physid@worldnet.att.net
Thu, 9 May 2019 06:01:34 -0700
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I know IdyllChat is basically an info place but just found this in my =
notes from travel 20 years ago & thought we could all enjoy a laugh. =
Credit goes to Art Buchwald, the humorist.
The Tourist's Prayer:
Heavenly Father, look down on us your humble, obedient tourist =
servants who are doomed to travel this earth taking photographs, mailing =
postcards, buying souvenirs and walking around in drip-dry underwear. =
We beseech you, O Lord, to see that our plane is not hijacked, our =
luggage is not lost and our overweight baggage goes unnoticed.
Give us this day devine guidance in selection of hotels. We pray =
that the phones work, and that there is no mail awaiting from our =
children which would force us to cancel the rest of the trip.
Lead us to good, inexpensive restaurants where the wine is included =
in the price of the meal. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in =
currencies we do not understand. Make the natives love us for what we =
are and not what we can contribute to their worldly goods.
Give us the strength to visit museums, the cathedrals, the palaces, =
and if, perchance, we skip an historic monument to take a nap after =
lunch, have mercy on us for our flesh is weak.
Dear God, protect our wives from "bargains" they don't need or =
can't afford. Lead them not into temptation for they know not what they =
do.
Almighty Father, keep our husbands from looking at foreign women =
and comparing them to us. Save them from making fools of themselves in =
nightclubs. Above all, please forgive them their tresspasses for they =
know exactly what they do.
And when the voyage is over, grant us the favor of finding someone =
who will look at our home movies and listen to our stories, so our lives =
as tourists will not have been in vain. This we ask of you in the name =
of Conrad Hilton, Thomas Cook, and the American Express, Amen.
--------------------
P.S. I know this is longer than most messages on IdyllChat but please do =
not let it become a debate on whether "jokes" or inappropriate =
"religious humor" is suitable. Lighten up as you start packing! =
Phyllis=20
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<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>I know IdyllChat is basically an info =
place but=20
just found this in my notes from travel 20 years ago & thought we =
could all=20
enjoy a laugh. Credit goes to Art Buchwald, the humorist.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2></FONT> </DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial=20
size=3D2> &nbs=
p; =20
The Tourist's Prayer:</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Heavenly Father, =
look down on us=20
your humble, obedient tourist servants who are doomed to travel this =
earth=20
taking photographs, mailing postcards, buying souvenirs and walking =
around in=20
drip-dry underwear. We beseech you, O Lord, to see that our plane =
is not=20
hijacked, our luggage is not lost and our overweight baggage goes=20
unnoticed.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Give us this day =
devine guidance=20
in selection of hotels. We pray that the phones work, and that there is =
no mail=20
awaiting from our children which would force us to cancel the rest of =
the=20
trip.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Lead us to =
good,=20
inexpensive restaurants where the wine is included in the price of the=20
meal. Give us the wisdom to tip correctly in currencies we do not=20
understand. Make the natives love us for what we are and not what =
we can=20
contribute to their worldly goods.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Give us the =
strength to=20
visit museums, the cathedrals, the palaces, and if, perchance, we skip =
an=20
historic monument to take a nap after lunch, have mercy on us for our =
flesh is=20
weak.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Dear God, =
protect our=20
wives from "bargains" they don't need or can't afford. Lead them not =
into=20
temptation for they know not what they do.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> Almighty =
Father, keep our=20
husbands from looking at foreign women and comparing them to us. =
Save them=20
from making fools of themselves in nightclubs. Above all, please =
forgive=20
them their tresspasses for they know exactly what they do.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2> And when the voyage =
is over,=20
grant us the favor of finding someone who will look at our home movies =
and=20
listen to our stories, so our lives as tourists will not have been in=20
vain. This we ask of you in the name of Conrad Hilton, Thomas =
Cook, and=20
the American Express, Amen.</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>--------------------</FONT></DIV>
<DIV><FONT face=3DArial size=3D2>P.S. I know this is longer than most =
messages on=20
IdyllChat but please do not let it become a debate on whether =
"jokes" or=20
inappropriate "religious humor" is suitable. Lighten up as you start=20
packing! =20
Phyllis </FONT></DIV></BODY></HTML>
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