[Culturechat] I posted this on my refrigerator

[Boris Sojka]

With the article from The Cambridge Chronicle and the edited buyers list I
now know how we can bring the French to their knees.
I will do my bit during our upcoming visit to France.
Thank you Burt Unger and Vance Roy for your sound advice.

Boris
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"As a matter of general principle, I believe there can be no doubt that
criticism in time of war is essential to the maintenance of any kind of
democratic government ... too many people desire to suppress criticism
simply because they think that it will give some comfort to the enemy to
know that there is such criticism.  If that comfort makes the enemy feel
better for a few moments, they are welcome to it as far as I am concerned,
because the maintenance of the right of criticism in the long run will do
the country maintaining it a great deal more good than it will do the enemy,
and will prevent mistakes which might otherwise occur."
Statement made by Senator Taft, Mr. Republican, in a speech given at the
Executive Club of Chicago in 1941, twelve days after Pearl Harbor.
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OPINION
Allons, Enfants de la Patrie
Wednesday, March 12, 2003

Do Cambridge residents really say "oui" to French products and, by
implication, to French policies. Your article last week indicates that this
is the case.

But I strongly disagree. I believe that we patriotic Cantabridgians,
spiritual descendants of Colonel Dawes, really want to give the French their
just desserts (and I don't mean Crème Brulee or Mousse au Chocolat ) for
daring to divert our beloved president from his crusade against the devil
Saddam Hussein.

Here are a few steps we Cantabs can take to put those goose-liver-eaters in
their place:

First of all, we should immediately go out and book vacation visits to
France. This would, as I shall prove, help to ruin the French economy.

When we arrive in Paris we should all swarm into as many French restaurants
as possible, avoiding the ones which cater to American tourists. As any
recent visitor to Paris knows, French waiters have developed to a fine art
the practice of ignoring American customers. So we sit there, smilingly, for
hours, and nothing happens. Voila; we are occupying all the tables, no
business is being conducted and no French diners can get into the
restaurants. Within a short period of time the baguettes get stale, the
champagne goes flat and the coq au vin starts smelling like something else
with a similar name. The restaurants go bankrupt, the food trade est fini,
Michelin and Gault Millau cannot sell any guides and France becomes a debtor
nation.

If the French catch on to what we are doing, there are other options. We can
try to order a meal, using our high school French. The waiters will then
double over in laughter, and roll around the floor, absolutely incapable of
even delivering un cornichon to the table. The net result is the same as
above.

One doesn't even have to leave Cambridge to punish our one-time allies. All
we have to do is converge en masse on Cardullo's, Formaggio Kitchen or even
Trader Joe's to buy up all the Brie and Camembert, Pate de Foie Gras and Bon
Maman cherry preserves. The French will have to restock their foreign
outlets, leading to shortages in the epiceries of Paris, Lyons and Toulouse.
Similarly, buying up all the Beaujolais, Cotes du Rhone and Pouilly Fuisse,
and even the Evian and Perrier, will force the French to drink tap water,
driving them into the riot-filled streets, perhaps bringing down the Chirac
regime.

It is not enough to write letters and to criticize the French. Direct action
is necessary. I intend to go out tomorrow, buy up all the French wine and
cheese I can and wolf it down while cursing the evil regime in Baghdad, (and
the misguided one in Paris). If I have any money left I will spend it on a
trip to Paris where I will do my dirtiest while pretending to enjoy the
city. Perhaps I will even go on the Germany to punish that country's
misguided pacifism in a similar manner.

Burton Unger lives in Cambridge
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> > French Products and Companies.

> > ** Air France. Air Liquide. Airbus. Alcatel. Allegra
> > (allergy medication). Aqualung (including: Spirotechnique,
> > Technisub, US Divers, and SeaQuest). AXA Advisors.
> >
> > ** Bank of the West (owned by BNP Paribas). Beneteau
> > (boats). BF Goodrich (owned by Michelin). BIC (razors,
> > pens and lighters). Biotherm (cosmetics). Black Bush.
> > Bollinger (champagne).
> >
> > ** Car &Driver Magazine. Cartier. Chanel. Chivas Regal
> > (scotch). Christian Dior. Club Med (vacations). Culligan
> > (owned by Vivendi).
> >
> > ** Dannon (yogurt and dairy foods). DKNY. Dom Perignon.
> > Durand Crystal.
> >
> > ** Elle Magazine. Essilor Optical Products. Evian.
> >
> > ** Fina gas stations and Fina Oil (billions invested in
> > Iraqi oil fields). First Hawaiian Bank.
> >
> > ** George Magazine. Givenchy. Glenlivet (scotch).
> >
> > ** Hennessy. Houghton Mifflin (books).
> >
> > ** Jacobs Creek (owned by Pernod Ricard since 1989).
> > Jameson (whiskey). Jerry Springer (talk show)
> >
> > ** Krups (coffee and cappuccino makers).
> >
> > ** Lancome. Le Creuset (cookware). L'Oreal (health and
> > beauty products). Louis Vuitton.
> >
> > ** Marie Claire. Martel Cognac. Maybelline. Méphisto
> > (shoes and clothes). Michelin (tires and auto parts).
> > Mikasa (crystal and glass). Moet (champagne). Motel 6.
> > Motown Records. MP3.com. Mumms (champagne).
> >
> > ** Nissan (cars; majority owned by Renault). Nivea.
> > Normany Butter.
> >
> > ** Parents Magazine. Peugeot (automobiles). Pierre Cardin.
> > Playstation Magazine. ProScan (owned by Thomson
> > Electronics, France). Publicis Group (including Saatchi &
> > Saatchi Advertising).
> >
> > ** RCA (televisions and electronics; owned by Thomson
> > Electronics). Red Magazine. Red Roof Inns (owned by Accor
> > group in France). Renault (automobiles). Road &Track
> > Magazine. Roquefort cheese (all Roquefort cheese is made
> > in France). Rowenta (toasters, irons, coffee makers,
> > etc.). Royal Canadian.
> >
> > ** Salomon (skis). Sierra Software and Computer Games.
> > Smart &Final. Sofitel (hotels, owned by Accor).
> > Sparkletts (water, owned by Danone). Spencer Gifts.
> > Sundance Channel.
> >
> > ** Taylor Made (golf). Technicolor. T-Fal (kitchenware).
> > Total gas stations.
> >
> > ** UbiSoft (computer games). Uniroyal. Universal Studios
> > (music, movies and amusement parks; owned by Vivendi
> > -Universal). USFilter.
> >
> > ** Veritas Group. Veuve Clicquot Champagne. Vittel.
> > Vivendi.
> >
> > ** Wild Turkey (bourbon). Woman's Day Magazine.
> >
> > ** Yoplait (The French company Sodiaal owns a 50 percent
> > stake). Yves Saint Laurent.
> >
> > ** Zodiac Inflatable Boats.