[Culturechat] Irish war threat

[VCR]

Disclaimer:

I am sure this is going to be unsatisfactory to someone, but this outfit 
needs to lighten up a bit. Contrary to what some may think, this is not 
France bashing. It is just funny. Substitute another country (even the 
USA) if you like. If you still don't think it is funny, try some 
hormones or a purgative.



> Croissants anyone?
>
> Subject: The Irish Go To War With France
>
> THE IRISH GO TO WAR WITH FRANCE
>  
> Jacques Chirac was sitting in his office wondering which allies he 
> would alienate next....when his phone rang.
>  
> "Hello, Mr. Chirac." a heavily accented voice said.  "This is Paddy, 
> down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland.  I am ringing to inform 
> you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
>  
> "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied,  "This is indeed important news!  How 
> big is your army?"
>  
> "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is 
> myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire 
> dart team from the pub.  That makes eight."
>  
> Chirac paused, "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one million men in 
> my army waiting to move on my command."
>  
> "Begorra!" said Paddy.  "I'll have to ring you back."
>  
> Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again.  "Mr. Chirac, the war 
> is still on.  We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment."
>  
> "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?"  Chirac asked.
>  
> "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer and Murphy's farm tractor."
>  
> Chirac sighed, "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 4,000 tanks and 
> 8,000 armored personnel carriers.  Also, I've increased my army to 1 
> 1/2 million since we last spoke."
>  
> "Saints preserve us" said Paddy.  "I'll have to get back to you."
>  
> Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day.  "Mr. Cirac, the war is 
> still on.  We have managed to get ourselves airborne!  We've modified 
> Harrigan's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit and 
> four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well."
>  
> Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat.  "I must 
> tell you, Paddy, that I have 1,000 bombers and 2,000 fighter planes.  
> My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air 
> missile sites.  And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO 
> MILLION."
>  
> "Jesus, Mary and Joseph" said Paddy.  "I'll have to ring you back."
>  
> Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day.  "Top o' the mornin', 
> Mr. Chirac.  I'm sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
>  
> "I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac.  "Why the sudden change of heart?"
>  
> "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints 
> and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
>  
>

-- 
Vance Roy
gigli.saw@dplanet.ch

Autopsy, burn, and bury, you want to be sure.
Winston Churchill on hearing of the death of a political opponent.